nail polish, sweet potatoes, gladys knight and Lohan.

Happy birthday to me. I am glad to see 35 when I was so close to never even seeing 33.

I want to do some predictions about the next year.

1. I will star on the Real Housewives of Comanche County. I will be the one that carries my little dog everywhere and smells of tanning lotion

2. I will direct a film about the importance of nail polish. It will bring peace to Israel and Palestine.

3. I will bring back use of the word "Sike"

4. I will name my successor as The Most Powerful Gay in The World but I will live forever like
Queen Elizabeth II

5.I will have my own talk show. My first guest will be Lindsey Lohan. I will talk to her the way I talk to everyone (crazy) and she will admit that the reason she is a crack head is because she is truly a lesbian. I will send her to lesbian boot camp. She will then star in the Melissa Etheridge biopic.

6. I will finally potty train my dog

7. I will discover that Gladys Knight is my real mom

8. My dog will become an internet sensation a la Antoine Dotson

9. I will go on a sweet potato diet

10. I will win a lifetime supply of Diet Dr Pepper!

National Coming Out Day

The importance of National Coming Out Day is not to honor those of us who are out and proud but to honor those who do not have the ability or strength to come out.  In countries around the world homosexuality is punishable by death, in this country, we punish homosexuality or perceived homosexuality by bullying  and using “gay” as a word that is interchangeable with stupid and lame. In  the last several weeks we see an increase in the reporting  of the suicides of young people who were either gay or perceived as such.  As someone who has been fighting for my community for 17 years, I find hope in the fact that people are taking notice and my heart breaks to hear of children as young as 11 and the age of the students of Cameron Pride taking their own life because the word gay has become the exact button to push repeatedly to intimidate people and destroy lives.  To say that this is unacceptable is an understatement. To say  that this needs to end seems redundant. And yet, just yesterday we hear of a story from our own backyard of a Norman teen who killed himself because of hate mongering from a COMMUNITY. Not just individuals, but how does one person take on a community?

My coming out story is nothing special. I have an amazing family and friends who accepted me immediately.  Subsequently, I felt called to action to help those that were not as fortunate.  My biggest call to action was the death of Matthew Shepard.  Such a definitive moment for my generation of the GLBT community.  I promised myself that I would never again be fearful or be closeted again.  The war on GLBT rights is an ongoing process, some troops have made tremendous headway, others troops like the ones here in Oklahoma, have had to measure their progress in different ways.  As with any war,  there are casualties  and at some point people will not remember the names of the people who have left us.  As someone who enlisted in this war, I feel compelled to remember their names and see their faces in the students of Cameron PRIDE.  I also feel a tremendous need to make sure that for those who cannot come out, my community is safer for everyone. I am proud to have worked with the students of PRIDE and amazed at the number of straight allies they have fighting for this cause. 

I have had the opportunity to live in the San Francisco area and walk the streets of the Castro District , where one of my heroes,  Harvey Milk began his crusade for equality. It would be very easy to stay there, where no one cares about your gender orientation or your sexual orientation.  Yet I find myself always coming back to Oklahoma.  I know to some that may not make sense, but to me, when I see everyone here I know I made the right decision, when I see that what started out as a small group in the music building as grown to a campus-community effort, I cannot help but think that without EVERYONES coming out stories, we would not be here. It is everyone’s coming out stories, as  gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, ally, to create a community.  

My message to those who cannot come out or who feel hopeless is this; you have a community we are here. We welcome you. Everyone has a biological family but you may find this community as your logical family.  They are also highly dysfunctional and at moments insane but they get it. I promise you they do.

My message to those that continue with their hateful rhetoric is this; the harder you fight, we will fight harder, the more you push down, the higher we will rise above. Coming out day is not always about the closet it is about coming out fighting.

Lesson of The Day

So I just had a moment where I just realized that my life is amazing. I have friends that I known for most of my life, I have amazing young people in life who help me realize everyday that life is dramatic, funny and there is always room for a drag queen reference. I have a mother who is truly headed for sainthood.

And I am in love.


All of these things together, overwhelmed me.


Tonight, October 3, 2010, I learned what feels like to truly be grateful.

Your Hair Looks Like An Easter Egg

So I have worn my makeup the same way for YEARS.  I just sorta tried something one day and thought it worked and stuck with it. I would switch up my lip color on occasion (the brownish-red phase of the 90s, hooker red as of late). I never cared about my nails for the longest time since I was a habitual nail biter....But the last two years I have really tried to figure out what my "style" is...I landed on a spectrum for clothes (occasional emo hipster dyke, occasional femme goddess) but my makeup was still a struggle. So I asked my fave local makeup artist (Sammy Jo) to show me a few things. She did and then I was totally convinced that this look was the only look I should try from here on out.

Then I found some makeup that looked really cool and that was on sale. I told myself that I would get this makeup and just practice some new looks. I loved it. I started watching videos or makeup and starting putting my own spin on things and new combinations and I found that I loved it.

I love the reinvention of Amy. I am finding out things about myself I would have never guess. And I am finding myself...

This look is greens and purples and the new falsies mascara by maybelline. I should have written down the exact products. I suck.

the loss of a loved one

After the ruckus that my last post created, I decided to take some time off of blogging.

A month on the meds and I am feeling pretty good overall. My schedule has been off because I hurt my back and I have had to slow down quite a bit on my normal stuff. But in general, I am really glad I went on them and really glad that it has not been a struggle to stay on them.


I did have a moment though when my iPhone died. Wouldn't hold a charge and just went kaput. I mourned the loss for 2 weeks. I had to use a Blackberry where the trackball didn't work. I felt like I had lost my best friend. I didn't have my calendar, my notes, my apps. I had no clue what was going on. I started being moody and emotional eating. Not getting out of bed....people started to worry...

But now I have the iPhone 4 and I feel like all is right with the world. I have been much more chipper the last two days. And I am sure it is because of Steve Jobs.

An Open Letter To My PRIDE kids

You all changed my life. Truly. The year I worked with you all was amazing and I was so proud of you. You all made some tough calls and handled them with grace. But I cannot support the direction it is going now.

While I am fully supportive of the vision of an inclusive group, I cannot help but be disappointed that other groups get a concise vision and PRIDE does not...Why does it seem that everyone is scared to be a "gay" group?  If you all are waiting for the day for everything to be more acceptable please know this, it will not happen without someone having the balls to do it. PERIOD. Someone has to stand up. Someone has to say "a GSA is necessary", someone has to say "the GLBTQ community and their allies deserve to be heard". That was the intention of PRIDE when it started as the Rainbow Alliance.

This bullshit of being PC is not something I am able to stand behind. Of all the minorities in this country, right now, the GLBTQ community is the one whose civil rights are repeatedly in question. Now is the time to stand up and be heard and now is the time to fight. While it sounds nice to be inclusive and welcome everyone when has that ever worked when a subculture has asserted its need to be heard?  You fight together and with Allies and you fight for the same thing. You do not spread yourself thin with bullshit activities that do not focus on your vision. You focus and you be heard.

I am fearless about my convictions.  And I have faith that Lawton can handle this...I am not scared.

I will be starting the Community Diversity Project. A strictly GLBTQA organization that focuses on community education, fundraising and the needs of MY community as a whole.

Fraidy cats need not apply.

It's a nice day for a white wedding...

Determining my own self worth has been an issue my whole life. I, like most people of my generation, was lost somewhere between the entitlement of this generation, the race to the top of the 80s and our own Gen X slackerdom. I think as I approach  35 I am starting to feel like I am getting it together and fuck, all I have done is waste all this time.  I hate it but I refuse to hate myself for it. Shit, everyone makes crappy decisions, everyone finds their way when it's their time but as long as you own it,  no one can take that from you. When I think about what I "wish" I had done. I only have one wish left. And that is to have a marriage. And a family. Even if my kids are all adopted college kids and rescued dogs. But I want the wedding photo over the fireplace and the house where everyone has Sunday dinner. And how every weekend of college football my backyard smells like hamburgers and hot dogs. I want to read the paper in bed with my partner and fight over the remote. And force the others hand about closet space.

Normal. Routine. Heaven.

After 35 years of chaos, I am ready for that. Finally.