Dear Santa

Well, while everyone has already done their Christmas list, I figure that it is really never too late to ask for what I want to tell you that I accept gifts year 'round.

Since I am really excited about going to back to school, I would like school supplies.

binders
composition books (I prefer them to notebooks)
loose leaf paper
legal pads (yellow)
highlighters (pink and yellow...medium tip)
blue pens
OH! One of those highlighters with the post it notes built in...those are like porn...

XOXOXOXOXO,

Amy

Generation Narcissism

I spent the better part of my day yesterday (while home with the flu) updating facebook with the status number game. I will never do that again. Not because it wasn't fun, I assure it was. I loved thinking about what I was going to say to each individual person but when I started checking the feed every chance to see what people were saying about me, I realized that we as a whole,care more about what people are saying about them on a facebook status then we care about what else was going on in the world. It wasn't until way later in the day that I saw people posting about Elizabeth Edwards passing away from cancer. How sad.

Is social networking helping us validate who we are? When we post something we deem witty and worthy, we get upset when our closest friends don't respond. We then text them or call and say "Did you see my tweet (status)?" I myself am totally guilty of this.

The evolution of the internet is something that happens at such a rapid pace that just as soon as you get used to one thing there it is...the NEW (again) facebook profile. Most of us remember actual chat rooms, then there was a migration to livejournal(no chatting but journaling and countless opportunities to meet like minded people) (something I still miss) and then myspace (less private than livejournal but a miracle for aspiring musicians, filmakers, entertainers and aspiring viral sensations), facebook (let us all reconnect in a major way and then let us all overshare with people we hated in high school and who secretly hate the fact that you are a queer mexican buddhist) and then twitter...140 characters to make an impression.

trust me I am all for all of this, and have been a part of it in some way or another, there hasn't been a trend that I haven't been a part of and sometimes get really sentimental about...(getting a paid acct at LJ so you could have more icons...I laugh now thinking about that) but I just think we have to stop worrying about those games that require other people to validate us (click like on my status and I'll write on your wall..blah blah blah) those can be fun but I would much prefer to learn about myself from me...not from you.

So this is my apology for filling your feed yesterday with all the status updates, I am thankful for the people that participated and for the people that wrote such amazing things about me. I truly am. I just want to make sure I believe them first.

I don't want to feel obligated to comment or like your status or reply to your tweet. And I don't want you to feel obligated to comment on my stuff either. I want us to enjoy the social end of social networking.

I miss it.

Amy's Top 10 moments of 2010

As 2010 winds down, people are counting down their lists of greatest this and greatest that...here are my Top Ten best moments of 2010

10. New Years 2010-I kissed my honey and at that time I felt like nothing could stop me

9. Becoming syndicated. A writer who tells you they don't wish to be successful is lying. not that my column is HIGHLY syndicated but the fact that someone else noticed my work and wanted it was AMAZING.

8. A facebook friend I have never met, Helga, noticed from my page that I was having a rough  time and found a video on YouTube and posted it for me to watch. The song and that moment changed my life. I became aware of what people were posting and if I needed to pay it forward. And I have.

7. Healing old wounds. After years of not seeing each other, my ex and I sat down and talked and were able to forgive each other and ourselves a little.

6. Ryan's pool party-I cannot remember most of it. But the pics tell me I had a great time

5. The Birthday Party- We threw Jim and Justyn a birthday party and to have my girlfriend, sister, aunt, mom and best friends all under one roof was my dream. The food was amazing, the drinks were plentiful and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

4. Coming home and being tired from working hard. Sounds weird to most people, but for me that is a great moment

3. San Francisco Pride. How did this little girl from the South end up filming at SF Pride? How did I end up in the transmarch and the dykemarch and when I looked behind where I was filming and saw hundreds of thousands of my community and their supporters...I was humbled to be there. An experience I will NEVER forget.

2. Sticking with something even when it hurts. That was my relationship this year. We were off and on again a lot. We both made changes and have really tried to make this work. But I have to tell you when I was opening my birthday card and crying from reading it and she quietly slipped a box toward me, I had no idea what opening it was going to make me feel...and in that moment I couldn't love anyone more. No matter how rough this year has been for us, I am glad that we went through it together. I love you.

1. Admitting when you are wrong is my best moment of the year. I thought medicine would change who I am and that no one would like me and that I would lose my edge and fought the whole experience tooth and nail. While I did change a lot and feel lonelier than ever, I haven't lost my edge and my creativity is at an all time high.. Thanks medicine. You saved me.

Menstrual Marjorie waxes poetic...not

It has been a long  time  since   I   have  written   anything  that  was  just because  I  enjoy writing.  I  spend  a  good   bit  of  my energy  worrying about what to  write  and  then  nothing  gets written. Fellow writers understand.

Today,  I  am  feeling  sad and  really sentimental. I  miss  so  many  people  in  my   life.  And  they  are  people  I have access  to everyday either  in  a  very  tangible   way  or  via  some sort communication device.  What  happened to me?  I  have  always  been  a  people  person. Jerry-fucking-Maguire.  Close  the  deal.  Everything  seemed  ok. My  girlfriend  was  crazy about  me, my  mom  and  I  were  getting  along, it  seemed like I had friends  but  no  ambition and  drive  about  anything  professional or  anything  resembling  a  job  that  paid  me consistently.

Now? I  am  going  back  to school,  work  full  time  and  get  my  articles  done on  time and  see  no one.  And  miss  everyone.  And  I  feel  like  shit  for  being needy  and  saying  "HEY  I AM  STILL  HERE.  I'M  JUST BETTER NOW"


This  trade  off  sucks. I miss  laughing with  my  mom and  my  kids,  friends and  I miss  my  girlfriend.

You  wanna  know  why  one  is   the   loneliest number?  Because  once you  make yourself  number one.  There's  no  one  else  around.

nail polish, sweet potatoes, gladys knight and Lohan.

Happy birthday to me. I am glad to see 35 when I was so close to never even seeing 33.

I want to do some predictions about the next year.

1. I will star on the Real Housewives of Comanche County. I will be the one that carries my little dog everywhere and smells of tanning lotion

2. I will direct a film about the importance of nail polish. It will bring peace to Israel and Palestine.

3. I will bring back use of the word "Sike"

4. I will name my successor as The Most Powerful Gay in The World but I will live forever like
Queen Elizabeth II

5.I will have my own talk show. My first guest will be Lindsey Lohan. I will talk to her the way I talk to everyone (crazy) and she will admit that the reason she is a crack head is because she is truly a lesbian. I will send her to lesbian boot camp. She will then star in the Melissa Etheridge biopic.

6. I will finally potty train my dog

7. I will discover that Gladys Knight is my real mom

8. My dog will become an internet sensation a la Antoine Dotson

9. I will go on a sweet potato diet

10. I will win a lifetime supply of Diet Dr Pepper!

National Coming Out Day

The importance of National Coming Out Day is not to honor those of us who are out and proud but to honor those who do not have the ability or strength to come out.  In countries around the world homosexuality is punishable by death, in this country, we punish homosexuality or perceived homosexuality by bullying  and using “gay” as a word that is interchangeable with stupid and lame. In  the last several weeks we see an increase in the reporting  of the suicides of young people who were either gay or perceived as such.  As someone who has been fighting for my community for 17 years, I find hope in the fact that people are taking notice and my heart breaks to hear of children as young as 11 and the age of the students of Cameron Pride taking their own life because the word gay has become the exact button to push repeatedly to intimidate people and destroy lives.  To say that this is unacceptable is an understatement. To say  that this needs to end seems redundant. And yet, just yesterday we hear of a story from our own backyard of a Norman teen who killed himself because of hate mongering from a COMMUNITY. Not just individuals, but how does one person take on a community?

My coming out story is nothing special. I have an amazing family and friends who accepted me immediately.  Subsequently, I felt called to action to help those that were not as fortunate.  My biggest call to action was the death of Matthew Shepard.  Such a definitive moment for my generation of the GLBT community.  I promised myself that I would never again be fearful or be closeted again.  The war on GLBT rights is an ongoing process, some troops have made tremendous headway, others troops like the ones here in Oklahoma, have had to measure their progress in different ways.  As with any war,  there are casualties  and at some point people will not remember the names of the people who have left us.  As someone who enlisted in this war, I feel compelled to remember their names and see their faces in the students of Cameron PRIDE.  I also feel a tremendous need to make sure that for those who cannot come out, my community is safer for everyone. I am proud to have worked with the students of PRIDE and amazed at the number of straight allies they have fighting for this cause. 

I have had the opportunity to live in the San Francisco area and walk the streets of the Castro District , where one of my heroes,  Harvey Milk began his crusade for equality. It would be very easy to stay there, where no one cares about your gender orientation or your sexual orientation.  Yet I find myself always coming back to Oklahoma.  I know to some that may not make sense, but to me, when I see everyone here I know I made the right decision, when I see that what started out as a small group in the music building as grown to a campus-community effort, I cannot help but think that without EVERYONES coming out stories, we would not be here. It is everyone’s coming out stories, as  gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, ally, to create a community.  

My message to those who cannot come out or who feel hopeless is this; you have a community we are here. We welcome you. Everyone has a biological family but you may find this community as your logical family.  They are also highly dysfunctional and at moments insane but they get it. I promise you they do.

My message to those that continue with their hateful rhetoric is this; the harder you fight, we will fight harder, the more you push down, the higher we will rise above. Coming out day is not always about the closet it is about coming out fighting.

Lesson of The Day

So I just had a moment where I just realized that my life is amazing. I have friends that I known for most of my life, I have amazing young people in life who help me realize everyday that life is dramatic, funny and there is always room for a drag queen reference. I have a mother who is truly headed for sainthood.

And I am in love.


All of these things together, overwhelmed me.


Tonight, October 3, 2010, I learned what feels like to truly be grateful.