50 Shades of Bullshit: Women, Paul Ryan and Choice

I am really good at getting worked up about things that I am passionate about. I start getting even more verbose than usual and I summon every bit of energy in my 5'3" body and practically start wielding a rolling pin ready to beat ANYTHING. It can be exhausting. But today was a different story. Today this story came way and I became so incensed and so furious that I knew I had to say something.

So, rape is just another method of conception?

Hmm, let me see. The word "method" is actually defined as:

a procedure, technique, or way of doing something,especially in accordance with a definite plan

So, yeah, I am guessing rape can be a method of conception, FOR THE FUCKING RAPIST. 

Where is the survivor in all of this logic? Oh wait, that would require that Paul Ryan be logical and/or make sense. Neither of which seems to be the case.

I need to calm down for just a second, sip my coffee and breathe before I go on. 

So, all of this is about abortion? Being so pro-life that forcing women to carry to term a ill-gotten, unwanted child is qualified and validated. I don't think so. Am I making sense? Probably not. But I will, give me a second.

I want to avoid all the obvious arguments for being pro-choice because, frankly, if you are reading this and pro-life a la Ryan, I am not going to change your mind. If you are pro-choice, you have made all of those arguments for yourself and so that seems moot to preach to the choir. 

I would like to tell you what disgusts me.

It disgusts me that the Romney/Ryan ticket are throwing conservative Mardi Gras beads and women are going out of their way to flash their tits for them. Get a life. Get a clue. You don't think about the world outside of your subdivision and golden retriever (no offense to Golden owners who are not idiots). 

The ramifications of taking away of a woman's right to choose what is best for her body, is BIGGER THAN MICHELE BACHMANN'S HAIR.

It is, in my opinion, our nation's version of female circumcision. If you have no idea what female circumcision is, all I have to say is that Google is your friend and you should consult her about it. In effect when certain societies do ritualistic female circumcision, it robs women of their body, it takes away her ability to enjoy sex,  it is dehumanizing and horrific to hear the screams of the girls being robbed of their bodies. It is a decision imposed on them by the men of their tribes and the women, remembering their own experiences grieve for their daughters but do not know how to stop it. 

WOMEN WHO SUPPORT THIS TICKET, THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING. ROBBING YOU, YOUR DAUGHTERS AND YOUR MOTHERS OF THEIR BODIES. SHAME ON YOU.

You can be pro-life for your own life. I get it. Quit fucking assuming that Pro-Choice means PRO ABORTION! KILL THE FETUS! It means, I GET TO FUCKING CHOOSE AND GUESS WHAT, IT MEANS YOU DO TOO! YOU GET TO CHOOSE NOT TO HAVE ONE!!! 

It is that fucking simple. Just a sec, I need to put the rolling pin down, the barista looks scared.


Ok, so back to the rambling.

Taking away the ownership of my body is unacceptable. Is all about desexualizing women? 

I don't get it. We cannot make decisions for ourselves but when raped we need to let the capes fall out of our Super Snatch's and force our body to reject the bad seed? How does this even make sense?

 It doesn't. Not in my world. 

I am tired of the shame and humiliation that is forced on women over this issue. There always seems to be someone willing to talk about how getting an abortion ruined their life and that is why we should ban them.

So, I am going to find someone whose life wasn't ruined by getting an abortion. OH WAIT.

My name is Amy Merchant. I had an abortion in 1994. It didn't ruin my life. It made me sad for awhile. It made me reevaluate my decisions. It made appreciate my mom. It made me take responsibility for my sexuality. It made me understand consequence. It made me grateful for choice.

Identity, Oppression and Taking a Stand

I have been wanting to post this blog for awhile, the funny thing about this subject is that I am always hesitant to talk about it in writing because it feels like I won't ever be able to change what I think or feel...

At this point though, I am fucking over it. I don't care. It needs to be said, and so here I am writing about what is one of things most important to me.

Identity.

It's like a thumbprint, right? Unique and personal.

For the last ten years, I have made an important distinction when vocalizing my identity. I began using the term queer. I did this as a response to the lesbian community. My partner at the time identified as FTM and our friends would ask me, "What does that make you?". As if I was so aligned with my partner that I could not think for myself. That somehow his identity dictated mine. So I started using queer, it felt WAY less limiting than "lesbian" or "gay". I would still, when talking to non-queer identified people (i.e, hetero-normative), would use those rather limiting terms because it was what I thought was safest. I thought, 'well, those are things that people sorta understand', and I would just use them to pacify people. I know now that I underestimated people and I discounted my own identity.

I will never do that again.

Why is this important to me after all these years? Actually, it has been important to me all this time, I was just not always willing to get into the discussion of all of the distinctions that came into play with my identity. I didn't have the energy to explain to people that while my relationship (past and present) would be perceived as a "straight" relationship, that it was far from "straight". I didn't have the inclination to explain that I was attracted to all genders and that being femme was a big deal to me. I had a litany of stock answers that explained what I wanted. If someone wanted more and genuinely seemed interested in learning, I would expound.

When the Chick-Fil-A fiasco happened a few weeks ago, all of what I felt came to a head when gay identified people and their allies, felt that I needed to be more impassioned about the cause. I wish I could. I wish that what CFA did with their money was of major significance to my life. It just isn't. I feel that there are much bigger issues in Queer identified community and it's first cousin, the Gay community, than CFA. I stand by that.

Keep in mind, the queer community is it's own movement. It is NOT the same as the Gay community. I can find you a dozen queer people to explain that distinction. I could find you a dozen Gay people who don't understand that distinction. That is problematic. When either community cannot see each other, that to me is a bigger issue. Not one member of the queer community chastised me for my opinions. We were all in agreement, we were all for marriage equality. We found the money that was donated to ex-gay ministry's reprehensible. We just knew it wasn't the fight we wanted to fight. Is that seriously so wrong? It was mentioned to me that by not freaking out about CFA, I was siding with the oppressor. And to that, I say, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Assuming you understand my identity, my journey, my politics and my philosophy without asking, is FUCKING OPPRESSIVE. Telling me how to think and feel about YOUR passions, is FUCKING OPPRESSIVE. Failing to understand that YOUR opinion is not the ONLY opinion, is FUCKING OPPRESSIVE.

 And, I will never be on that side.

"Everything that keeps me together is falling apart "

I am so excited to have my blog back. It seemed like I had a million things to write about and then as soon as I figured out how to get back into this blog, NOTHING. Writer's block. Curse you. I am sure if I was just going to post a facebook status, I would be insanely verbose.

Let's see what we can talk about...

Oh, I know!!!

So, this  time of year, I am always really reflective. 4 years ago, on August 12, I tried to kill myself. In a desperate attempt to rid myself of all the emotional debris of a failed relationship, I wanted out. Every year at this time, I, of course, am incredibly grateful to be alive. I have always been fortunate enough to have a very privileged life. Not just in terms of finances and material things but in friendships, love and experiences. I recognize it as privilege and have spent a good bit of time not appreciating my life. All of that changed 4 years ago. Because frankly, pre 'deep end' Amy was a bitch. An absolute crazy bitch. Struggling with mental illness and my mental health over the course of my lifetime has probably been the biggest battle of my life. In some ways, it has been crippling and my inability to cope with it has led to catastrophic events in my life but on the other hand, it has totally set me up and prepared me for a life of total gratitude.

It is truly frustrating to think that it took me reaching the lowest point in my life to appreciate what I had the good fortune of always having.

In some ways I have lived 36.75 years but I have only been alive 4.

That's fucking powerful.

Even a crazy bitch can recognize that.

Song of the Day: 3rd Planet-Modest Mouse