Fidel Castro, Carrie Bradshaw, Dorothy Gale. Yeah I know, it doesn't make sense to me either.

I hate surprises. Truly loathe, despise them. I hate them so much, I don't even like to surprise people. So I try to make a birthday list well in advance that way no one has to figure out what I want and thus preventing surprises.

1. Sex and The City Seasons 1-5 (doesn't matter which ones I just want to collect them all)
2. Gilmore Girls Seasons 4-7 (I have the first three)
3. iTunes Gift cards. I need apps and ringtones
4. Grease 1 (I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT EVER WANT TO OWN GREASE 2)
5. Any cookbooks, used, new whatever. Even those ones that the little Baptist ladies put out. A 1.00 cookbook from Goodwill makes me happier than just about anything.
6. Ruby slippers. Well not real ruby slippers but red sparkly heels.
7. a waffle iron ( i wanna make fried chicken and waffles)
8. countertop deep fryer (see above)
9. anything Steelers
10. perfume
11. makeup, makeup, makeup.
12. interesting garden stuff (gnomes etc)
13. a portrait of my dog as Fidel Castro

free association

Ugh. I did not even realize that I missed blogging yesterday. Sigh. I really do not like my routine interrupted. Let's hope that tomorrow we can return to regularly scheduled programming.

Glenn Beck is a douche. Sorry if you are a fan. I loathe him.

So I am looking down the barrel of my 35th birthday. I am not sure how I feel about. I mean 35 is not bad, right? It is mid thirties. 36 is late thirties.

Ok, so I will just stay 35. I can handle that...


 Song(s) of the day:

Can You Tell-Ra Ra Riot
Steer-Missy Higgins

Could a bitch get a cheeseburger? Fuck I am starving.

PRIDE, my crush of the week, parfum de Clorox

So I volunteer my time and energy for the greatest kids in the world,  the students of Cameron PRIDE. Last night we kicked off this semester and I hope that they are excited about this semester because I know I am... this group of kids makes me feel like our community is good hands. They teach me more about myself every time I see them. I am so grateful.

Ok,  so every morning I have this routine where I clean my house and I have to do it in the same order every time. This routine has only been since I have been on medicine, normally I hate myself and my surroundings so much that I could care less, but once stabilized I am pretty picky. Anyway, I think the dog is high from the bleach this morning because he decided to steal toilet paper and tear it up  AFTER the house was clean. Fortunately for him, I am medicated because he would probably have shaken puppy syndrome.

Crush of The Week Award:

Rhianna

I don't know if it is because we have the same haircut or because we have the same nails in that video with Eminem...I can't tell if I want to fuck her or be her BFF...

probably both.

the musings of a mess (lists, notes and gray hair)

Dear Tobacco Industry,

Wellbutrin is going to insure that you get no more money at least from me.

Love,  Amy


Today is not so bad on the medicine. I am enjoying my new routine and excited about seeing my kids at PRIDE tonight and my usual Saturday morning date.


Things I am grateful for:
1. My mom
2. My friends
3. My sweetie
4. My kids
5. My puppy

Things I wish were different:
1. The rate at which my hair goes gray
2. That I had finished school
3.  That I had not hurt the people I did

Songs that changed my life:

1. Band of Horses-No One's Gonna Love You
2. The Toadies-Possum Kingdom
3. Madonna-Material Girl
4. Gary Go-Wonderful
5. Pixies-Bone Machine

that is all I got.

"Amy can do better. She is not living up to her potential"-third grade teacher

The biggest issue of my life has been follow through and "living up to my potential".


I have never considered myself stubborn but I assume that most people in my life would disagree. I cannot seem to give into this medicine. It is like I am so determined to hold onto the unhealthiest version of myself that I just refuse to give up on THAT girl,

.
I guess it is fair to say I am not really trying to get  better if I refuse to give into this...I called it poison yesterday. Even though I know it makes me better in the long run.

Could I possibly be more dramatic?



Well, of course I could. But that is just like me, to not live up to my potential.

bitchiness

The reinvention of Amy is going as planned. Sorta. I am back on my medicine which means in a few days I will have way less anxiety and way more focus. Both of which are good things.

The whole training for the 5K thing has taken a backseat for a few reasons. One, the unbearable heat as of late and my unbearable laziness.

The one thing I hate about being on medicine is that  I pride myself on being witty and creative and I feel like that gets compromised on medicine. Sure I will be able to start a blog and finish it but will be worth reading? Will it be funny and informative?

I know that these fears seem silly and like someone who just doesn't want to take her medicine. Well that is true, I do not want to take my medicine. But I know I need to or I won't  be here to worry about creativity.

I am an idea person. It is why people come to me for marketing. I am just worried that the well of ideas that is my brain is starting to dry up. Then what will I have?

I have been walking around like a total bitch since I started medicine. Resenting everyone and resenting needing medicine.

But the truth is, when no one is looking, I find myself smiling. A LOT.

I forgot to post this C25K video yesterday. sigh.

2 Years Later..