Identity, Oppression and Taking a Stand

I have been wanting to post this blog for awhile, the funny thing about this subject is that I am always hesitant to talk about it in writing because it feels like I won't ever be able to change what I think or feel...

At this point though, I am fucking over it. I don't care. It needs to be said, and so here I am writing about what is one of things most important to me.

Identity.

It's like a thumbprint, right? Unique and personal.

For the last ten years, I have made an important distinction when vocalizing my identity. I began using the term queer. I did this as a response to the lesbian community. My partner at the time identified as FTM and our friends would ask me, "What does that make you?". As if I was so aligned with my partner that I could not think for myself. That somehow his identity dictated mine. So I started using queer, it felt WAY less limiting than "lesbian" or "gay". I would still, when talking to non-queer identified people (i.e, hetero-normative), would use those rather limiting terms because it was what I thought was safest. I thought, 'well, those are things that people sorta understand', and I would just use them to pacify people. I know now that I underestimated people and I discounted my own identity.

I will never do that again.

Why is this important to me after all these years? Actually, it has been important to me all this time, I was just not always willing to get into the discussion of all of the distinctions that came into play with my identity. I didn't have the energy to explain to people that while my relationship (past and present) would be perceived as a "straight" relationship, that it was far from "straight". I didn't have the inclination to explain that I was attracted to all genders and that being femme was a big deal to me. I had a litany of stock answers that explained what I wanted. If someone wanted more and genuinely seemed interested in learning, I would expound.

When the Chick-Fil-A fiasco happened a few weeks ago, all of what I felt came to a head when gay identified people and their allies, felt that I needed to be more impassioned about the cause. I wish I could. I wish that what CFA did with their money was of major significance to my life. It just isn't. I feel that there are much bigger issues in Queer identified community and it's first cousin, the Gay community, than CFA. I stand by that.

Keep in mind, the queer community is it's own movement. It is NOT the same as the Gay community. I can find you a dozen queer people to explain that distinction. I could find you a dozen Gay people who don't understand that distinction. That is problematic. When either community cannot see each other, that to me is a bigger issue. Not one member of the queer community chastised me for my opinions. We were all in agreement, we were all for marriage equality. We found the money that was donated to ex-gay ministry's reprehensible. We just knew it wasn't the fight we wanted to fight. Is that seriously so wrong? It was mentioned to me that by not freaking out about CFA, I was siding with the oppressor. And to that, I say, GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Assuming you understand my identity, my journey, my politics and my philosophy without asking, is FUCKING OPPRESSIVE. Telling me how to think and feel about YOUR passions, is FUCKING OPPRESSIVE. Failing to understand that YOUR opinion is not the ONLY opinion, is FUCKING OPPRESSIVE.

 And, I will never be on that side.