Determining my own self worth has been an issue my whole life. I, like most people of my generation, was lost somewhere between the entitlement of this generation, the race to the top of the 80s and our own Gen X slackerdom. I think as I approach 35 I am starting to feel like I am getting it together and fuck, all I have done is waste all this time. I hate it but I refuse to hate myself for it. Shit, everyone makes crappy decisions, everyone finds their way when it's their time but as long as you own it, no one can take that from you. When I think about what I "wish" I had done. I only have one wish left. And that is to have a marriage. And a family. Even if my kids are all adopted college kids and rescued dogs. But I want the wedding photo over the fireplace and the house where everyone has Sunday dinner. And how every weekend of college football my backyard smells like hamburgers and hot dogs. I want to read the paper in bed with my partner and fight over the remote. And force the others hand about closet space.
Normal. Routine. Heaven.
After 35 years of chaos, I am ready for that. Finally.
There better be big closets because you have too many damn shoes! I am so proud of you. Happy 3 weeks in your newest shoes!
ReplyDeleteI wish you could have that too. Here's wishing and blowing dandelion puffs in the hopes that something, somewhere, will bless you with the desires of your heart.
ReplyDeleteHelga from Live Green Mom